I made a video..

I made a video. It is my first. Ever. So, enjoy!

Public Service Announcement #2

Sometimes armpits or body odor smells like taco meat.

Sometimes taco meat smells like body odor or armpits.


I wonder what this taco's armpit smells like...



This has been a public service announcement.

Debunking American Stereotypes

Is anyone else tired of the rest of the world ragging on Americans? Calling us cultural cretins, or over-eating war-mongers who are under-educated.

I, for one, think it's time we addressed these ludicrous claims foreigners have dared to criticize us with.


1) Fat/ Over-eaters

Hey, hey, hey. Maybe we're a little girthier than other countries' citizens. Well, forgive us for not eating rocks and sticks, Ethiopia, but have you SEEN our buffets?



Eating too much? We're not eating ENOUGH! Look at this vast selection- and at such a low price!

At least we find a way to keep our kids fit in competitive dodgeball games in P.E. with our frugal yet fantastic public school P.E. programs. Which brings me to my next issue...


2) Under-educated

For a country with virtually no mentionable sports team, France sure has a lot of criticism about the way we feed, raise, exercise, and educate our youth here in America.

Listen Frenchy Le Foreigner, according to the CIA Factbook the United States is 99% literate.

And even if we DON'T do well on your bullshit tests on what city is in whatever country or how many continents there are, at least we have our nice American looks to squeak by on.


Plus, how involved do your teachers get in Baguetteville? Ours here in the states find ways to stay involved in their students lives, keep in touch, and even take them home with them! Someone's got to teach our kids about the birds and the bees...



Put that in your fancy cigarette-holders and smoke it. Speaking of smoking gun...

3) Everyone thinks we're War Mongers

Take it from America Loves War. They took it upon themselves to make a list of the wars we are currently in:




War On Drugs? War on POVERTY?!?! WAR ON CRIME?!?1!?11?1one!one!1eleventyone!1!11.

Wow. God forbid.

There is certainly an image of the United States that makes us seem like we're always in some sort of war. But that's just cause people piss us off. Easily.

After 9/11, CNN reported an official Iraqi statement saying: "The American cowboys are reaping the fruit of their crimes against humanity."

You know, for a country that rapes women and throws acid on them when they don't cover every inch of their body, they sure have funny way of making American's seem like chauvinistic "cowboys." And if you aren't the kind of country that allows your people to get plum-purple when they get called dumb cowboys, then you don't deserve to call yourself a country. And then we invade you and try to "fix" you 'n stuff, implementing our own forms of government that work for our people onto your own citizens. And we'll probably make your women wear bikinis year round just to make up for lost time. It happens.

Well, I hope I've helped prove how cool and not fat or stupid Americans are.

The End.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT #1

If you're a student, or someone that just lives on a student's budget and diet, this is for you.

Say you've run over to your local Starbucks for a long day of studying. You brought with you:

1) iPod to block out the sound of blenders

2) frumpy hairstyle to get people to leave you alone when you're trying to study

3)Handi-Snacks high-sodium-and-hydrogenated-oil-content spreadable liquid cheese snack with crackers

4) Yan-Yan asian cracker sticks with dippable chocolate snack

when suddenly you RUN OUT OF CRACKERS FROM YOUR HANDI-SNACKS!

When the small amount of crackers runs out and you still have cheese leftover...

You could use your fingers to dunk and suck the cheese off. But if you're a germophobe, just use the sticks that come with your Yan-Yan sticks..

Voila!

Besides learning the various animal biology trivia printed on the sticks, I also learned that there IS still a possibility of printing typos onto those crackers..."Whale = Biggesy Mammal."

Yes, friends." Biggesy."

Unfortunately, I ate the typo stick before taking a picture of it. If I find another stick with that typo, i'm SO documenting it.

Students are poor and eat junk food. This has been a public service announcement.

-Reality Asylum

Hi-dee Ho, New Neighboroonies!

My name's Reality Asylum!

Here on my new blog, I'm going to address the issues behind the REAL thoughts, joys, and fears of everyday Bill's and Jill's, Jane's and Wayne's, Joe's and Hoe's, Gents and Wen..ch.. es. You get the point.

Let's get the ball rolling tonight with a light-hearted discussion about the end of the world...

Yep. Just watched a documentary on this new-fangled theory that the world's gonna end soon- Saw it on the History Channel. They're legit. Don't use scare tactics or nothin' on ya.
[Sidebar: You ever see that show they have on what would happen to the world if humans ceased to exist? Or one of their "What on earth would get destroyed in an astroid/ major global flood/ hurricane/ insert scary natural disaster here" tv specials? Pretty scary/addicting. Am I right?]


So anyway, I guess we've got 3 years left to live, huh? What with the Mayan, Hopi, and Egyptian calendars all matching up with Nostradamus' theory that the world will end on December 21st, 2012. WOW-- Better get around to robbing those banks you've always wanted to rob! Also, now's the time to experience all the encounters you've been too afraid or law-abiding to indulge in.

I just wish the Mayan calendar cycle that happens to reset in 2012 DIDN'T mean the end of civilization. I wish that it was JUST a calendar that reset like normal calendars!

I also wish Y2K never happened, and our computers never blew up and eradicated mankind. That whole death of mankind thing sucked, huh?

I also wish the planet NIBIRU, which is allegedly 5 times the size of Earth, didn't really exist and wasn't scheduled to collide with Earth on December, 21st 2012. Oh, if only we'd be able to see a planet that size from our telescopes!

Damn the technology! Damn it all!

Oh, wait... What's that?

And the end of the Mayan calendar in December 2012 simply denotes a new cycle of awareness for mankind?

It just means that the calendar ends.. and then you start a new one?

And when Y2K happened, we just switched the 1's to 2's and the 9's to zeroes and everything was fine?

And does this also mean that planet "Nibiru" doesn't exist because: 1) an object that size would be visible from backyard telescopes and would have been seen decades ago, which it still has not been, 2) an object as large as "Nibiru" would have a vastly visible gravitational pull on neighboring planets, which has not occured yet and 3) The "Nibiru" conspiracy theorists have been changing the date of their predictions for decades?

Does this mean we should ignore the scare tactics the conspiracy theorists with shit-for-brains that are translating the calendar to mean cataclysmic doom for the Earth?

Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's what that means.



Well kids, i'm glad we had this talk.
Night!