I, for one, think it's time we addressed these ludicrous claims foreigners have dared to criticize us with.
1) Fat/ Over-eaters
Hey, hey, hey. Maybe we're a little girthier than other countries' citizens. Well, forgive us for not eating rocks and sticks, Ethiopia, but have you SEEN our buffets?
Eating too much? We're not eating ENOUGH! Look at this vast selection- and at such a low price!
At least we find a way to keep our kids fit in competitive dodgeball games in P.E. with our frugal yet fantastic public school P.E. programs. Which brings me to my next issue...
2) Under-educated
For a country with virtually no mentionable sports team, France sure has a lot of criticism about the way we feed, raise, exercise, and educate our youth here in America.
Listen Frenchy Le Foreigner, according to the CIA Factbook the United States is 99% literate.
And even if we DON'T do well on your bullshit tests on what city is in whatever country or how many continents there are, at least we have our nice American looks to squeak by on.
Plus, how involved do your teachers get in Baguetteville? Ours here in the states find ways to stay involved in their students lives, keep in touch, and even take them home with them! Someone's got to teach our kids about the birds and the bees...
Put that in your fancy cigarette-holders and smoke it. Speaking of smoking gun...
3) Everyone thinks we're War Mongers
Take it from America Loves War. They took it upon themselves to make a list of the wars we are currently in:
War On Drugs? War on POVERTY?!?! WAR ON CRIME?!?1!?11?1one!one!1eleventyone!1!11.
Wow. God forbid.
There is certainly an image of the United States that makes us seem like we're always in some sort of war. But that's just cause people piss us off. Easily.
After 9/11, CNN reported an official Iraqi statement saying: "The American cowboys are reaping the fruit of their crimes against humanity."
You know, for a country that rapes women and throws acid on them when they don't cover every inch of their body, they sure have funny way of making American's seem like chauvinistic "cowboys." And if you aren't the kind of country that allows your people to get plum-purple when they get called dumb cowboys, then you don't deserve to call yourself a country. And then we invade you and try to "fix" you 'n stuff, implementing our own forms of government that work for our people onto your own citizens. And we'll probably make your women wear bikinis year round just to make up for lost time. It happens.
Well, I hope I've helped prove how cool and not fat or stupid Americans are.
The End.
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